Condemnation

This is a heavy subject, but I'm going to get my thoughts down about it. Being schizophrenic means it's said I converse with spirits, and they have to be evil ones. Now, I have taken that stance in the past, but that didn't help me one bit. If anything, it makes things worse.

We want to be agents of harmony. Our being is a chorus, and sometimes we feel the need to step out from the chorus, like Thespis, and start saying our lines. When my psychotic break began, I would think that all my thoughts were known, and I was being encroached upon. Then what happens when you try and tell yourself "Don't think of the worst things possible."? Brain doesn't understand don't. It's going to cross that line in your head every single time. So now I'm thinking of the worst thing possible and being judged for it. Like it would anticipate thoughts before I even had them. I felt like I had to have something within the realm of my control, and unfortunately that was my tongue. The tongue is a fire, but I had to step out from the chorus. That's how I did it.

Needless to say, it got me in all kinds of trouble. It's what comes out of our mouth that defiles us. It's also our thought-life, however. I needed a solution.

When we're under attack, we perceive an enemy because we're vulnerable. Vulnerability gives way to conscription, and conscription gives way to a bunch of knee-jerk condemnation that doesn't serve you a bit. It's never going to stop coming.

The neighborhood tells me Original Sin is man trying to be something he's not. Let's examine this, because grasping this simple mystery has made a world of difference for me. When Adam & Eve ate from the Tree of Knowledge, Satan said that we will be like God, knowing good & evil. What we also know about Satan is he's a liar. Why would anyone want to know good from evil? It wasn't that we wouldn't, but the lie is that we would be like God knowing it. That's why we bought it.

Let's face it, though. None of us have sufficient perspective to judge anyone, even ourselves. Imagine a speck of paint in the Mona Lisa condemning a speck of dust in her eye. Now, worse, imagine a speck of paint condemning another speck of paint for being slightly off-color. You haven't the sufficient perspective to make that call, nor do you have the arms or legs to do anything about it, and if you condemn one, now you have to condemn them all of the same color, and that's conscription, and that's compulsory enrollment. So, you can launch those arrows and bind those demons if you want to, but it won't end, not for us. Better to be an agent of harmony and understand clean-up and preservation is at the discretion of the curator. Not for us.

Even angels don't condemn. They may say "God rebuke you", which is a sharp disapproval but it's not condemnation. That's something else entirely. That's for God, and we are not God. I don't care what those new age kids say. If I don't know the numbers of every hair on your head, I don't have enough understanding.

Now, that being said, I do lose patience on occasion because I don't know outcomes. Tough love is hard to perceive. If I've only been pinned enough to be forced into acting in good faith, then maybe it's what God allows. Maybe that's their purpose. Discipline. Maybe we're being disciplined. The Bible says if we're disciplined, rejoice, because you are a child of God.